I'm not sad. I'm not desperate. I'm not Bridget Jones.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Take this boss and shove him
My supervisor is driving me crazy.
-He called in sick on my two days off, forcing me to work. -The next day, he told one of my supervisees "I should have called Not Bridget and told her I was throwing up so I could go home." -He is between 30 and 60 minutes late every day. -He doesn't check our voicemail on my days off; so I have to deal with three days worth of voicemails after my weekend. -We are supposed to back up our system every day. He never does. I always do. It take about 90 seconds to perform. -On Saturday, during our busiest part of the day, he disappeared for 20 minutes. -On Saturday, he asked to borrow $250. Let me point out-he makes more than I.
So, I had to vent. My plan is to just do my job really well. Eventually, his house of cards will collapse, and I will be left looking fine!
It was supposed to be my day off. The day before, my supervisor called in sick, and I had to go in. He called me Wednesday at 10 to tell me that he was going to work, and then at 11:30 to tell me he was not.
I was not in the mindset to go to work.
I jumped in the shower-and started to panic.
The shower is a terrible place to panic. I felt dizzy, lightheasdy and unsteady on my feet. Add to this a slippery wet surface, being nude and vulnerable....it was bad. In therapy, I am supposed to rate my anxiety/panic on a scal of 0-10. I called this an 8.
I got out of the shower and laid down. I couldn't calm down at all. I took an ativan, and I called The Ex-Boyfriend. I felt an overwhelming send of dispair. Not just at the present moment of panicking, but overall. I felt like I simply could not go to work, yet, I felt like I had no choice. Moreover, I felt like I just couldn't keep doing it. It was all too much, facing my anxiety in every thing I do-going to work, doing laundry, going to the bank, to the CVS, everything. I just wanted to give up-crawl under the covers and resolve myself to being housebound.
I eventually made it to work, and the day went find, but I still have some residual feeling that everything is too hard, too much of a struggle. I just want to be normal.