Not Bridget Jones

I'm not sad. I'm not desperate. I'm not Bridget Jones.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Dispair

Wednesday was a very hard day.

It was supposed to be my day off. The day before, my supervisor called in sick, and I had to go in. He called me Wednesday at 10 to tell me that he was going to work, and then at 11:30 to tell me he was not.

I was not in the mindset to go to work.

I jumped in the shower-and started to panic.

The shower is a terrible place to panic. I felt dizzy, lightheasdy and unsteady on my feet. Add to this a slippery wet surface, being nude and vulnerable....it was bad. In therapy, I am supposed to rate my anxiety/panic on a scal of 0-10. I called this an 8.

I got out of the shower and laid down. I couldn't calm down at all. I took an ativan, and I called The Ex-Boyfriend.
I felt an overwhelming send of dispair. Not just at the present moment of panicking, but overall. I felt like I simply could not go to work, yet, I felt like I had no choice. Moreover, I felt like I just couldn't keep doing it. It was all too much, facing my anxiety in every thing I do-going to work, doing laundry, going to the bank, to the CVS, everything. I just wanted to give up-crawl under the covers and resolve myself to being housebound.

I eventually made it to work, and the day went find, but I still have some residual feeling that everything is too hard, too much of a struggle. I just want to be normal.


2 Comments:

  • At 10:10 PM, Blogger brainhell said…

    > I just want to be normal.

    Me too. But my problems are only phsysical. So that's normal.

     
  • At 11:52 AM, Blogger Not Bridget Jones said…

    Brainy,

    You humble me. In a way we are similar...we just need to keep fighting for ourselves.

     

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