Not Bridget Jones

I'm not sad. I'm not desperate. I'm not Bridget Jones.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Aftermath

He cancelled his ad.

We broke up anyway.

He said that he only wanted to make friends, that he wasn't going behind my back. But, he was too defensive. I can't trust him anymore.

The breakup was mutual, sort of. He told me that he felt alone and needed to be alone, but that I am still his "best friend."

I told him that we were beyond that. That I didn't know if I wanted him in my life, in any capacity. If he wants me to remain in his life. he needs to give me a reason. He needs to rebuild my trust and faith. I don't know how, of if that can happen.

What I really want is for him to be a different person, and I know that's not possible. I want him to be the person I though he was, or the person I wanted him to be. Someone I could trust, someone I believed in, some one who would be there for me.

I do understand him, and I do understand where the lies and deception came from. He has a problem with depression and self-esteem. This doesn't give him a free pass, though.

He seems to think that if he is alone for awhile and deals with his problems, then we can have a better relationship. I however, don't believe that he will deal with his problems.

I know I'm better off without a person I can't trust. But I still miss what I thought we had. I feel a loss for what we won't have in the future. I know that I'm better off being strong for myself.

But it still sucks.

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